Issue #91 — Counting your Conn Smyths before they Hatch
“If you can’t beat ‘em in the alley, you can’t beat ‘em on the ice.” Conn Smythe
Considering 77% of teams that win Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Final go on to win the Cup, it seems only fair to start thinking of Conn Smythe candidates. Keep in mind that this is my anti-list.
Manny Malhotra
Sure he hasn’t played a game since getting a puck declected into his left laser beam, but his off-ice leadership is still intact. Should he dress for game two he will provide an emotional boost to a squad that doesn’t actually need an emotional boost. Think, emotionally boosted (times) emotional-boost-from-spirited-leader-previously-considered-out-for-the-season-with-near-career-ending-eye-injury (equals) Stanley Cup.
Yannik Hansen
There are already a crop of youngsters from the land of Kierkegaard and yummy breaded treats who are being enshrined with the Yanni moniker. His speed and his audaciously Beaker-esque voice provided the scene for the “I’m open Kes!” heard around the world. Should his hands ever catch up to his feet we may have the Danish Mats Naslund on our hands.
Corey Schneider
Just think, if Schneider had played 21 games in the regular season we might already be lining up for the parade. He played brilliant in Game 6 against Chicago only to go down with cramps after that weird penalty shot. Luongo came in to back him up and lost the game ingloriously in OT. Somehow, SOMEHOW, that cramp was contagious, clearly Luongo caught it in his head and has since forgotten how terrible he is. If he wins the Cup, the entire province of British Columbia will have to forget too.
Alex Burrows
Sure he is no Greg “the Gentleman” Adams, but his clutch performance in Game 7 against Chicago is a thing of Tolkien lore. Some asshole will probably write a prequel and an even bigger asshole will probably invent a language based on the philology of the Pipsqueak from Pincourt. If he had swallowed Patrice Bergeron’s finger a suspension would have been warranted, but as it stands, I’m trying to think of a street in Vancouver that needs a new name. Actually, let’s just change every street name in Vancouver to Burrows Street.
Keith Ballard
Po’ Keith. Ain’t get no respect. Despite sending Jamie McGinn into a full windmill and providing the best rock ‘em sock ‘em of the 2010/11 campaign, Ballard just can’t earn the trust of Bam Bam. But I garantee one thing, it is his attitude (a winning one!) that has kept this team abreast of infighting and locker-room clickery. These guys loves each other, and it’s a very, very sweet thing to consider. So sweet that your correspondent at this moment of typing is getting a little too misty-eyed to keep writing. Gotta run folks, got something in my eye. Enjoy Game 2.
–Joseph F. Delamar