Black Ice Vancouver

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.” –Albert Einstien

What can I say? I like pretty girls. When it comes to the recent nuptuals of Nashville Predator Mike Fisher and mega-babe Carrie Underwood all that comes to mind is, “lucky bastard.”

You think I’m kidding? You think I chid at the idea of a strapping Northern stud marrying the Queen of Muskogee?

She loves a hockey player. She loves Jesus. She sings like a meadow lark. And she is just so damn pretty.

What does this have to do with our belovedly beleaguered ‘Nuckleheads? Nothing. But in the face of the coming apocalypse I typically like to keep my mind occupied with blond and bubbly. Don’t ask. I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures. I like Carrie Underwood. She takes my breathe away. She makes me swoon. I would dip my nashville in her predator anyday.

But seriously folks. As your humble correspondent, it pains me to see the deluge of our offensive game at the hands of Barry Trotz and his beautifully boring squad of Southern hockey squires. It boggles my mind each year this team ices a competitive unit. Not because I don’t think the State of Tennessee doesn’t deserve a sip from Lord Stanley’s chalice, but because the concept just strikes me as odd.

It is akin to Inuit tailgating outside a NASCAR parking lot.

Thursday’s game against the Predators was painful to watch in all the ways a game ought to be painful. They exposed our weaknesses on defence and took the liberty of showcasing a future Vezina consideration in Pekka Rinne. It leaves me wondering what it is in Finnish drinking water that produces such otherwordly goaltending from  otherworldy countries such as Finland.

Did you know there are 1.8 million saunas in Finland? Did you know it is the only country in the world with a news broadcast in Latin?

Finland and Carrie Underwood are what I find myself Googling most of the game. Between missed opportunities by our top line to capitalize on the power-play and thoughts of throwing my laptop across the room in vitriolic rage. Between reason once again advocating a safe retreat from my obsessive fury and the psychic implications of malignant rage. My fury subsides into fatigue.

I fall asleep.

In my dream I’m playing shinny on an outdoor pond in the middle of Saskatchewan with Pekka Rinne. I score a goal on him. It’s a deft head-fake commencing a tender backhand top-shelf. In the glowing thunder of the crowd I skate to the centre of the pond in a Tiger Williams-esque celebration, using my hockey stick as a triumphant steed. Afterward, Rinne takes his mask off only to reveal he has the head of Carrie Underwood. I figure, opportunity knocks only once, so I ask her out on a date. She giggles coquettishly, responding between sips from her gatorade bottle,

“Yes, but don’t tell my husband.”

–Joseph F. Delamar

“Invincibility lies in the defence, the possibility of victory in the attack.” –Sun Tzu

Yann Sauve made his NHL debut last night in Minnesota as the Canucks presided over their 17th road win of the season. He is the 12th defencemen on the Vancouver Canucks to dress this season. Earlier this year, after training camp, Sauve suffered a concussion after being struck by a car in Downtown Vancouver. The season hadn’t began yet and the injury plague had already struck the Canucks.

And then there was Sami Salo and his magnificently rupturing Achilles Heal.

Who is the Paris of our beloved local hockey club? Who keeps shooting all these arrows and marching our defence corp to the infirmary? Is this the death of the season? Is this the end of the beginning for our belovedey beleaguered franchise?

The most effective part of the Canucks offence is The Pinch. That means when the puck enters the offensive zone the defenders stands guards for loose pucks threatening to leave the zone. If a puck begins to creep up the half-board a defender will “pinch” which means leaving his position in order to join the attack. When this happens it leaves the points vulnerable and the forwards must remain vigilant in case a turn-over occurs, causing an odd-man rush the other way. The Pinch keeps a puck-possession team like the Canucks in the offensive zone longer then most teams feel comfortable so that two scenarios may unfold: 1) the Canucks score a goal, or 2) the Canucks draw a penalty and then score a goal on the power-play.

It is a style of play that has developed over many years with this Vigneault helmed squad. It has only, however, in it’s last two seasons reached it’s full potential.

Hockey like so many other professional sports has evolved tremendously since it’s inception as an outdoor, seven-man, on-side recreational game in the late 19th century. It has survived two World Wars, the Influenza, Harold Ballard, two lockouts, the trap and the perennial No-Star Gary Bettman presiding over and mis-managing the league for the better part of two decades. It has seen the advent of the wrist shot, the slap shot, the curved stick, Gordie Howe’s hattrick, Gretzky’s office, Marty McSorley’s stick, the enforcer, the instigator, the dead puck and puck possession.

The last one was brought back to life by teams such as the Detroit Red Wings and the Pittsburgh Penguins in the post-lockout era, when obstruction rules were meant to speed the game up from it’s Jacques Lemaire influenced retardando.

Rick Bowness and Alain Vigneault have done a bang-up job usurping this idea into their own game plan and tweaking it’s essentials into what I like to call The Pinch. Essential to the effectiveness of The Pinch is the health and welfare of the blueline. It is a strategy both exciting to watch as a fan and effective for a team still leading the standings after over two months at the top of the heap.

It begs the question in terms of possibility: What is the answer to the endless parade to the infirmary that seems to indulge the Vancouver Canucks every year the past few years?

You gotta to think, if this question could be answered, one can only imagine the extent invincibility might go for this talent laden group.

–Joseph F. Delamar

“Red ice sells hockey tickets.” –Bob Stewart

Somebody call the doctor, Sami is back.

Or in the age of infinite irony, Sami Salo is back and half of the other certified blue liners on the Vancouver Canucks are on ice. Dan Hamhuis is out with a concussion because Ryan Getzlaf decided to clean the end glass with his face. Keith Ballard is out with an ailing knee because of a Milan Mihalek slew foot . Alex Edler is out having microdiscectomectomectomewhatever.

All this means for slim pickin’s south of the red line.

And how about that forth line eh?

The facts are the facts, and like most tautologies they speak for themselves. Vancouver holds the best record in the National Hockey League. they are having their best season in franchise history. They have the reigning Hart and Art Ross champion on their roster (Brother Henrik). They have two legitimate 40-goal scorers (Kesler and Brother Daniel) in the line-up. And, if Alexandre Burrows and Mikael Samuelsson are still scoring at their current break-neck pace, the team could have four 30+ goal scorers.

Much like Satan and eternal souls, this team exists to possess pucks.

Most of that puck possession game (a term forged in the fires of hockey hell — Detroit) begins in the defensive zone. Mike Gilles has done an admirable job shoring up possession in other ways, like bringing in Manny Malhotra as a face-off specialist and having Rollie Melanson teach Luongo some stick handling skills. It all begs the question now, how are the Canucks gonna get the puck out of their zone now?

With mobile defenders such as Hamhuis and Edler out indefinitely it remains to be seen how the Canucks will execute their evolving game-plan. So far the no-such-thing-as-too-many-defensemen approach has worked. Inevitably there is no such thing as too many defensemen in the NHL. We saw as much last year when wily Willie Michell went down for the season and the Canucks were left handicapped in D-man land.

As with most questions this season, all roads lead to the playoffs. The Canucks are in no risk of missing the playoffs, but without a cadre of defenders breaking down plays, the team could see another early exit.

When it comes to the question of injuries to defensemen, the jury is still out.

Let the future judge now!

–Joseph F. Delamar

“Out first priority was staying alive, our second was stopping the puck” –Glenn Hall

I hit black ice the other day. Scared the hell out of me. Thought I was gonna die. First you don’t know what is happening. Your car drifts left, then right. Life flashes before your eyes. Light at the end of the tunnel. The bammo, my thread caught pavement again and I was fine. It put everything into perspective for me as I drove to work that morning. Metaphysics, the meaning of life, you name it. Perspective abound!

Then there are those crazy Canucks. One minute there are on top of the NHL standings. The next they are dawdling in mediocracy. Losing four straight (three of the four in the shootout). So they moved forward with loser points, but they were drifting, much like my experience hitting black ice.

This past week in Canucks land has seen a lot of sober reflection of this team. Will they have the secondary scoring in the playoffs? Are they a one line team? When is the injury bug going to hit? All of these questions hit solid ground last night during the Canucks drubbing of the Dallas Stars.

They didn’t just play better. They were better. And that is what great teams do. They look good winning. They hit. They fought. They scored. It was the best game of the year by far. It reminded me that there are no weak links on this team. Just weak execution. It put all the prognosticator from the begininning of the year back on track.

And what happens when they lose another game?

Well it will put the naysayers and bandwagoneers back on track too. What can I say in the age of parity?

–Joseph F. Delamar