Issue #45 – Game Five, Alive
“Hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.” -Doug Larson
Marty Turco is the most frustrating goalie to play against in the Western Conference. For whatever reason he holds a 17-6-3 mastery over the Vancouver Canucks, but last night his confidence looked like hubris as he dropped a 4-3 decision at GM Place via the skills competition.
So fuck you Turco.
But a second fuck you goes out to Vancouver fans. Attending my first game of the year, I couldn’t believe my eardrums when I heard the Vancouver faithless giving Turco the catcall after Ryan Kesler tied the game 1-1 in the second frame.
Is this city not aware that catcalling the goalie from the visiting team is very bad luck?
It seems like the bridge-and-tunnel brigade are planning the parade route one minute and the moment Louie let’s in a floater it’s: Panic! On the streets of London.
So fuck you Turco, and fuck you Vancouver fans and other then that, the game was swell. We cashed-in two points in the standings (within 2 points of making the playoffs) and teeter on the brink of .500 hockey for the first time all season.
This is revolutionary shit.
Oh, and while I’m on the subject of revolutionary, that blue-haired Neanderthal that sells 50/50 tickets (for the past 17 years) is in serious need of a fatwa on his head.
I don’t care that I’m an agnostic. May he die and the Canucks lose Game 7 Cup Finals in Overtime forever in his eternal pit of hell.
This all from a 4-3 win.
Where is my valium? And where is my copy editor?