Black Ice Vancouver

“That next afternoon, Canucks beat Philadelphia 8-4 in a one-sided game that should have been 8-2. Molin opened the scoring by walking through a wave of slashes to beat Pete Peters before crashing to the ice to dislocate his shoulder. Smyl got the hat trick, Williams got his got his first goal…The following Sunday night the club was in Detroit. Well-rested, with no excuses, Williams blew three frist-period breakaways and they played one of their worst games of the seasom, losing 3-1  when they should have sent the feeble Wings the way of the Edsel. It was classic psychotic behavior; scraping their noses on the rafters one game, slumming the next…”

I came across this qoute from Towels, Triumph & Tears the account of the 1981-82 Canucks season and Cinderella Cup run written by Tony Gallagher and Mike Gasher. It neatly summarizes the history of the Canucks organization.

Earlier in the chapter, Jim Robson (the voice of the Canucks for 30 seasons) is seen lamenting the fate of the mediocre Canucks about to embark on an 5-game road trip. Loyal as a puppy, even the legendary broadcaster, and Canucks die-hard, was having trouble finding anything good about the beginning of the season. While Robson and and Larry Popein, then Director of Player Personnel, were sitting in their hotel room discussing the hum-drum start to the campaign, Gallagher and Gasher remark:

“They got to talking about how poorly the club had been playing and even for these optimists, the year looked bleak. Foul thoughts that were going through every reasonable fans head were also going through the minds of these two knowledgeable heads. Despair was even considered…”

After reading this quote a clearer picture of the Canucks 4-5-0 record this season begins to emerge. However road-weary and woe-begotten the club feels this season, it is not an exception in the history of the franchise. In fact, the Aquilini Brother’s should consider a new motto that can be raised to the rafters on a flying-V sweater with the number 13 emplazoned on the back: Road-raped and mediocre!

Psychotic enough to sell-out 5 consecutive seasons at home, the question arises: who is the real crazy in this town?

The game tonight against Boston was boring. So bad, in fact, that I did what every self-serving fan in this city does when the team is down, I walked away. Not too far, just far enough to escape the wretched boredom. As Heidegger once stated, and I’m paraphrasing, the universal case of boredom consists of any instance of waiting. Tonight I got tired of waiting. And 38 years running we still wait. Just like Jacob waiting for Rachel by the well, we wait.

We wait for goals. We wait for wins. We wait for the Sedins. We wait like fiends. We wait like addicts. Just like that old adage from Alcoholics Anonymous says: the definition of insanity is trying the same this over and over expecting different results.

This psychotic time is nothing new in this city.

Next Up — Los Angeles and Anaheim

So I guess I have had my number retired by the Canucks. Personally I take offense to the raising of #7 to the rafters. What it really says is, gee guys, this organization has never really had enough quality players on this team (and if we do we run them out of town) to do anything of substance — like win — so we’ve decided on this innocuous ceremonial retirement to stand as an iconic reminder of what this team has not accomplished.

Thanks ownership.

In a night when all thirty teams in the NHL were playing the sports world was abuzz. Not only where there fifteen NHL games on the schedule, there was Game 3 of the World Series between Tampa Bay and Philadelphia, The BC Lions were playing their last regular season home games (one of perhaps twice a year where the Lions and Canucks play at home simultaneously), and there was some UFC fight which I basically don’t give a fuck about. But some people do, and if you cared about even two of these event the night was bound serve.

Baseball is my second, my understudy if you will. Hockey is my first love and since Game 3 got rain delayed for two long (I was watching at Soho’s in Yaletown) I decided to move along once the Canucks game started. I waved good-bye to the cute barmaid and walked over to doucheville (AKA Cactus Club) to drink overpriced beer and watch the game on really nice LCD screens. Watching hockey and strippers was a really good idea, watching hockey at Cactus Club was not necessarily terrible. I wound up giving game commentary to the well-dressed gay fellow watching beside me most of the night. Apart from screaming “FUCK FUCK FUCK” when Edmonton tied it in the second I mostly kept my composure and left satisfied with the win. I didn’t get drunk and make a fool of myself, although I did get plenty drunk.

The game tonight was all about special teams. The short bus of professional sports. The most fickle of stats, yet when responsive, creates the most stupendous joy for the entire family. Like having a child with down-syndrome, sometimes you wish you’d had an abortion, but when the child smiles he lights up the room.

Or the red lamp.

And boy did we see red tonight. 4/6 on the Power play.  Perfect on the penalty kill. Luongo let in three goals off two bad bounces (one was a stinker). But we’ll take it. Tonight was all about special teams and big retarded smiles from those of us in Canuckland. The young gunners, Yannick Hansen and Mason Raymond, each had a pair. The shutdown trio kept the Oilers top line off the scoresheet and even ‘ol fatty Wellwood chipped in with the eventual winner. After coughing up a two goal lead at the end of the second the Canucks looked doomed to failure, but one save from Louie off a Sam Gagner penalty shot and we were back in the game.

Next Up — Boston

On this terrible road trip the Vancouver Canucks managed a paltry 2-4-0 record and both wins came in overtime. That means Vancouver has won only a single game in regulation so far this season.

While Obama is looking at a must-win at The Buckeye State in two weeks, it might be sometime next April when the full sting of this defeat — at the hands of the Columbus Bluejackets — is felt by the Canucks. At that point, Vancouver could find themselves, once again, on the outside looking in (i.e. playoff picture) because of stupid losses like this.

There are definitely areas the Canucks can build on, but the first goal from Jason Chimera was inexcusable and left Vancouver once again playing with a deficit (more on this in a moment). A few bright spots: Luongo loosened up later in the game and made some stealers in the third period to keep things interesting. It was a full-court press (sorry mixed metaphor) and save a hot goalie, Pascal Leclaire, the Canucks surely would have tied it in regulation — one magnificent effort was thwarted by none-other-than a laterally moving puck through the goal crease by a defeated Ryan Kesler.

The Sedin’s and Bernier looked really good in the last period but failed to put up the most important stat: goals.

During this miserable march through October (opening night victory versus the Flames notwithstanding) the Canucks have played with the lead for a grand total of sixteen minutes and thirty-three seconds. That means for the six hours of hockey played on this road-trip, Vancouver played five hours, forty-three minutes and twenty-seven seconds either tied or behind in the score. You heard me, five and a half fucking hours!

I don’t know how long Barack Obama was considered the dark horse in his campaign. Obviously Chicago micro-politics and the Clinton juggernaut were a start. He burst through the doors of the national theater during the DNC 2004 with his rousing appeal to Americans (and citizens of the world I like to think) for hope and change. This speech was only the beginning of a long, hard battle through the fog of political war. He seems to teeter on the precipice of victory now. Is there a small battle from the past that the Rovian’s are waiting to exploit at the eleventh hour? Will all the joy and phantasmagoria fade as the Obama campaign withers at the last second from some tiny mistake or miscalculation in the past? Is there a tiny firefight McCain is keeping up his sleeve for one final, last minute ambush?

It’s hard to believe at this point that Obama could lose. The genius behind the Obama campaign is that they realized confidence and caution are not mutually exclusive. They collected tiny victories all over the country for the past four years and now appear a fortnight away from the Oval Office.

When will the Canucks start winning the tiny battles? The giveaways. The errant passes. The sloppy goalkeeping. The power-play. The penalty-kill. All these little losses lead to bigger losses and before you know it, we’re out of contention.

John Kerry’s weakness in 2004 was, in the end, a loss of the small battles in the swing states.

Canucks Nation will have many peaks and many troughs this season. It’s how we roll. But let us remember this defeat if we are playing golf in early May. That sound you will hear is the sound of a Swift Boat speeding away and those assholes in Ohio tittering along with the roar of failure.

My line of logic followed as such. Since I am recently single I am enjoying new freedoms in time department as well as in the ethics department. More time to watch hockey and more freedom to watch it anywhere I like. The obvious choice for pay-per-view this Sunday — the No.5 Orange — Vancouver’s premium venue for burgers and exotic dancers.

There are a few things to look out for when watching hockey at a strip joint. The first is that sports, while always close to a man’s heart, consistently plays second fiddle to sex. In the case of Sunday afternoon’s match-up with the Chicago Blackhawks — newly coached by Joel Quenneville — management at The Five are willing to put the game on only between regular dance numbers by their revolving cast of beauties.

Usually I prefer to watch the game, start to finish, without any distractions but tonight — with the Canuck-suck in full pulsating rhythm I opted for distraction. Literally, every time I turned my head in disgust from the game, a cadre of ample ladies where there to sugarcoat the teams bitter effort. This was such a great idea — I kept telling myself — for more reasons than one.

And the game? Well, it was another one sided effort. Even the recently vaunted third unit of Burrows, Kesler and Hansen didn’t do much to salvage this miserable game in the Windy City. The penalty kill is at an all-time, Vigneutte era, low. The power play, ranked first in the pre-season, has sunk to twenty-ninth in the league narrowly edging out Anaheim (Anaheim? WTF?). So there you have the special teams.

And beyond special teams.

How about good old-fashioned teamwork. The spark, so evident during character building wins in Calgary and Detroit, was glaringly absent Sunday night in Chicago. Where was the scoring by committee? Three assists from Henrik in four games and no points from Daniel. Where was the defensive specialists? Willie Mitchel seemed too slow and too old to handle his much younger and faster assignments. Alex Edler looked like a regular ‘ol rookie in his efforts to convert off the rush. And where was Luongo? The charge has been historically he’s not a strong starter. Forgive me if I sound cynical, but your job, as Captain and highest paid player is to lead by example. That means being the best player on the ice all season long.

When the best player on the ice is Alex Burrows, and this is not a knock on the scrappy forward, I begin thinking more and more about lap dances.

Thank god I came to the right place.

Next Up — Columbus

What an absolute joke of a fourteen minute span. There were the Canucks playing merry-go-round with the penalty box. There was Curtis Sanford doing his best impression of a colander. There — once again — was the third-line pretending it was the first line and the first line pretending the puck was an undetonated landmine.

There you have another road loss to an Eastern Conference team.

The common sentiment among fans is that the season is early. A fair assessment. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that there are still some questionable gaps in the team. Power-play was shit. Penalty kill was worse. Discipline was non-existent. The gaps were not merely questionable, they were glaring.

For those of us long-serving plebeian of fan-dom, it looks to be another long, arduous season.

Next Up –Chicago

In the 2007 playoffs — when Jannick Hansen made his NHL debut with the Canucks — there was a pulse to the Danish rookie that hinted at a sort of Kierkegaardian positivism . He never scored, and the Canucks lost the series, but the talk of the town for a few days was — who is this Danish kid?

The same was once said of Alex Burrows. Undrafted, he came into the league on a tryout with the Moose. Then he scored a hat-trick against the Los Angeles Kings on one of his first call-ups for Vancouver. Who is this French kid we asked?

We are learning identities quickly. It was all about the “checkers” tonight. Burrows and Hansen, along with Ryan Kesler, actualized — tonight — all the potentiality they have been harnessing for the past few years. All three had points and Alexandre Burrows now leads the team in goals, points and shots.

This trio looked positively top six. Kesler the aesthete. Hansen the ethical. Burrows the religious. Stages on games way.

Ravaged by injury last season, Hansen didn’t make one trip to the big club. Burrows, on the other hand — after struggling the year before — found his place on a shut-down line with Ryan Kesler. The two haven’t looked back. Easily the two best Canuck performers down the stretch, the most promising third-line in hockey has gotten better. With the addition of Hansen, the line has combined for 6 goals and 11 points in the first 4 games of the season. While still early these guys looked dangerous tonight in another scrappy effort tonight against Detroit.

The Sedins/Bernier, on the other hand looked impotent. They were not only pointless, they were invisible. Last year, when the Sedins went absent, the Canucks usually went without a win.

The second line pitched-in again and Mason Raymond looked dangerous off the rush throughout the game. There is obvious chemistry between Raymond and Demitra, but Pyatt looked present for about one-quarter of his shifts. Look to see a healthy scratch for Pyatt in the future if he doesn’t start using his god-given size. I’m calling bullshit on Pyatt right now.

There is no need for punditry. There is no need for spin. Empirical evidence ought to do just fine. This game sucked — by all accounts.

Where to begin. Let’s start with my hangover. I still haven’t gone home. I’m at the library right now. I’m too scared to go home. To frightened of my living room. My television. My hopes and dreams.

I’m being facetious, but Jesus. It’s only three games in one says. But this reminds me of a game last year when we lost to the Flyers 8-1 in another spiritess loss. While it is only three games in, the Canucks every year have to remind themselves that every win counts. How close have we missed the playoff 2 out of the last 3 years? 3 points in 2007-08 and 3 points in 2005-06. That means they need to win every game. Or at the very least — do not lose so insipidly.

The Canucks need to be mindful they play much better teams in the East this year than last. And they play all teams at least once. In the past,  games against Eastern Conference teams, bordered on exhibition-like. From now onward every game matters. This was a badly scouted effort and Iain Macintyre was right in condemming the Darcy Hordichuk healthy scratch. Coaching needs to realize that this team is going to win on grit and determination; timely goals by tough competitors. Kyle Wellwood, showed nothing of this tonight and I’m pretty sure Coach Vee noticed. Actually nobody showed nothing tonight, registering just 10 shots all game on Washington’s back-up goalie.

Ovechkin was held off the score sheet, but that is a boring excuse for a boring effort. The Capitals are too front loaded to forget about the likes of Mike Green, Alexander Semin and Michael Nylander. This could be the team to beat this season and since the Canucks only play them once, this was the game to win.

Empirical evidence acts as a fine Litmus test.

Next Up — Detroit

A championship team needs three things: a hot goalie, a superstar and a gallant captain. All three were on display Saturday night as the Flames opened their season at home. Oh and one more type of player makes a winner: no bad ones.

Roberto Luongo was in his finest form. Robbing goals from the Flames. Playing sound positionally and simply out-dueling Kiprusoff. Okay, so this was not exactly a goalies duel, but Luongo  ultimately won the game by shutting down the Flames when it mattered most. It was a gutsy effort on a night that started badly, felt like it was on its to a blowout, but played out the way that many Canuck wins have played out in the last few season. The come from behind victory, the overtime wins, the grizzled display of character and emotion.

What put the Canucks over the edge to a fairy tight tilt was the physical game they brought. One has to wonder if Rick Rypien is on his way to a Burrows-esque rise this season. He had one excellent bout with Flame Brandon Prust and one beautiful goal (his second in two games) that simply dazzled. Its gushing at this point, and the season is still quite virginal, but the team looks like a winner. They won in offense. They won in defense. They won in pure testicular acumen. I have to give props to Jerome Iginla for his (ultimately losing) effort, especially his fight with Willie Mitchell. He’s a terrific leader and I can’t wait to see him playing in 2010, but even his knock-out punch to Mitchell wasn’t enough to propel Calgary to a win.

What propelled the Vancouver was an out-and-out gorgeous effort and a couple of timely goals from the Daniel Sedin, Ryan Kesler and Daniel Sedin again. The Sedin’s are searching every year for bonnefide superstar status, and every year they fall a little less shy. Is this year the year? 5 points in 2 games is a tremedous start. NHL player of the week is a pretty good start. And don’t forget Henrik, he has 4 point in 2 games and is on track to once again match his brother in points. Oh and at this point they are both on track to score 160 points each, cheeky I know, but nonetheless an effort on par withto super-stardom.

I was delightfully surprised when Luongo was announced as captain starting this season. Like the Governor General, it is mostly a ceremonial post, but it was also the obvious choice. While most fans and commentators lacked the platitudes to dream of this, Vigneault and Gillis did not. The de facto leadership aside, Kesler, Ohlund and Mitchell led in areas the goalie-captain cannot, suchas  punishing physical play and of course goals. Ohlund hit more than I have seen him hit in a long time. He was tying up players and assisted on the winning goal. Kesler chipped in with his pesky shut-down roll by doing what 3rd liner do best: score. Mitchell fought Iginla and looked like the leader he has been touted as for the past two years. There was a read display of gallant captaintry tonight.

Did I mention Bertuzzi? Right, who cares.

So there you have it. Superstar by committee. Rugged leadership by committee. Hot goalie. And, almost most importantly, no bad Vancouver players Saturday night. That’s what really got me thinking I might see Canucks hockey in June.

Next Up — Washington

The short answer is work. I spent the season opener of the 2008-2009 Vancouver Canucks at work. Normally this is no problem, I just listen to the game on the radio. Since I have made a commitment to write a blog for all 82 game this year I figured I could at least watch the first one. Well is worked out, sort of.

CBC — that ubiquitous public broadcaster — plays Hockey Night In Canada on their website. This is a great option, but my Mac at work won’t let me load some of the plugins so the reception is pretty shitty. I caught most of the first period, but the play-by-play was so bad I switched to Team 1040 for the second stanza. In the third period I biked down to Pat’s Pub on my break. Unfortunately there was a terrible band playing Rancid covers so I had to watch the rest of the game in silence (arguably). To recap: I barely watched and mostly listened to the first period. I listened to but did not watch the second period. And I watched but did not listen to the third. Stupid, but my cross to bear considering I could have asked the night off in advance.

Nonetheless I was delighted with the outcome. Canucks win. Joe happy. Usually when I drink at Pat’s I wait for people to go smoke and then I steal beer from their unguarded pitchers. Cheap beer even cheaper. Tonight I was content merely to sit and watch abstemiously; immersed in victory.

The highlight of the game was watching the Sedins, fully actualized with new Canuck Steve Bernier. It’s hard to forget that just four months ago the Sedin’s were still looking for a regular linemate after seven seasons in Vancouver. The first major change from the Quinn/Burke/Nonis era is that nostalgic, Mike Gillis is not. He let go of many stalwart from that era and has ushered in a new ideology: bold moves! He also inherited a pretty good hockey team. This was apparent tonight when the top players were Daniel Sedin (3 points), Alex Burrows (2 goals) and Roberto Luongo (25 saves, 0.00 GAA) all leftovers from Nonis and Co.

The problem with the Quinn regime (and consequently the heavy hearted Canuck fanbase) was the failure to let go of the past. Remember ‘94 we would say? Remember Pavel Bure we would moan? Remember the Westcoast Express we would labour? Remember would always precede the inevitable if onlys. If only there wasn’t that fuckin goal post blocking Linden’s tying goal in game seven we would say in agony. If only Bure wasn’t the only superstar on the team during the 90’s. If only Dan Cloutier didn’t suck. For every good thing this team has ever had there are ten excuses for why we never win.

Mike Gillis seems to have done away with lamentable facets from the past (Naslund, Morrison etc.) He has hinted there could be further moves to shore up offense. The performance tonight (not to mention the preseason) is proof that many of Gillis’ tactics could paid off. Sundin who? We Canucks faithful add, with a dash of scoffing glee. I wonder how long it will take before the if onlys start up again.

Next up. Calgary.

The Vancouver Canucks and the Buffalo Sabres share an immutable bond. Both teams came into the league in the second round of modern-era expansion in 1970. Both teams have had more jeresey/logo changes and style woes than any fan cares to mention. Both teams have respectively won their division five times and both teams have been to the Stanley Cup finals twice and lost.

Buffalo was the team to beat two seasons ago. They had a small window to achieve the consummate hockey holy grail. Icing a ridiculously talented roster with a knack for scoring by committee Buffalo was the team to beat. And they were beat. Not, however, before entertaining the hell out of fans. In the 2006-2007 season five players scored 30 or more goals for Buffalo. That is an amazing stat considering no one on the team finished in the top ten in scoring that year. They had their window, they did not capitalize.

Vancouver have a really good chance of perpetuating their bond with Sabres fans this year.

Enter Steve Bernier. Both Bernier and Daniel Sedin stand a legitamite chance of scoring 30 goals. There is fundamental promise for this line. Paring Bernier with the Sedins has the appearance of not just a flirtation, but likely a budding romance. In the past the Sedins have toyed with the idea of elite scoremanship, when management sat down and really discussed what the Sedins need to put them over the edge and went out and acted they came up with a very wise, methodical choice. Bravo Mike Gillis on this move.

Enter Pavol Demitra. Demitra looks like an autistic genius finally let out of the asylum. He is skating, making plays, waltzing around defenders and generally playing a game of entertainment not seen in Vancouver in years. He looks like he’s having fun and its infectious. Whether he’s playing with Mason Raymond, Kyle Wellwood or Taylor Pyatt, he’s going to lite up the red lamp this year. He makes those around him better and his energy seems to rub off. If he plays with Raymond and Pyatt this year either guy stands a good chance of hitting the 30 goal plateau. Is this the secret to breaking the secondary scoring curse that has plagued the Canucks for so long? Expect this line to excel.

Enter Jannick Hansen. We’ll probably see, Ryan Kesler score 25-30 goals this year. Burrows will continue his point incline not to mention annoying ……. Hansen will help hit the final nail into the secondary scoring casket. This guy works. Plain and simple. He gets the puck because he hustles. He creates opportunity because he’s smart and he thinks quickly. This line has the talent and tenacity to score fifty goals for the team. Secondary just became even more of an afterthought.

Enter The Defense. If (emphasis on if) the blue-line stays healthy they are the deepest and most sinister in the league. Last year D-men 1 through 5 were the best in the league collectively. With the delightful early arrival of Alexander Edler last year the offensively minded defense corp has the ability to score fifty goals as well. Kevin Bieksa continues to improve and Sami Salo and Matthias Ohlund provide a stable cast of veterans guarding Roberto Luongo.

There is a real possiblity with this squad to ramp up the offense in the post-lockout, post-Naslund/Linden era. The Sabres, a few years ago, roared out of the gate with an offensive style that capitalized on a young, fast, puck-possession team that scored goals as a team.

The moral of the story is that the Canucks could mirror the goal scoring of the 06-07 Sabres. If they do this then they too have a small window to capitalize. And if they are anything like the Sabres of past they will not win. But hell, the ride will be fun.